Upsideclown
UpsideclownSlogan

 

* 200 articles. Two years. Whelk. The best of Upsideclown. Might be reprinted.

Q&A

17 March 2003
Jamie's been rehearsing

Question: So, Jamie, what do you do for a living?

[Genuine Answer: I am a parasite. I am variously hated, feared, and viewed with suspicion by the majority of people I speak to during the day. Almost all of which is conducted purely over the telephone. I don't get out much.]

Textbook Answer: I'm an IT recruitment consultant.

Q: Recruitment? So you're a people person then?

[GA: People? Don't make me laugh. People are commodities to me. A candidate's lucky if his CV's worth the paper it's printed on. Not that many of them get printed. I have a 'special folder' for all over 40's, foreigners, graduates and females (pregnancy potential - no one likes them). I'll be lovely to you if I think I'm going to make some cash out of you, mind.]

TA: Not 100% - it's primarily a sales job. Although it is made better by the fact that you're working with people to further their career, to build teams; that's where the satisfaction comes in, the feeling that you are finding people - whether clients or candidates - what they want.

Q: Sales? How come? What do you sell?

[GA: My soul. Every hour of every day, for a pittance and little or no thanks.]

TA: It's primarily our service. What we offer is an added value to a client's recruitment process, and that's what we have to convey in our conversations with them - we bring a network of contacts, a certain level of market knowledge and a lot of man-hours that the client just wouldn't be prepared - or able - to put in themselves.

Q: So you work hard then?

[GA: Depends. I work long hours. But when I've been out the night before and come in slightly pissed and ever-so slightly caned, I can while away the hours on email and the web with the best of them.]

TA: Of course! With this job, the more you put in the more you get out, and that means results which also means money. But there's a real work hard play hard mentality, so we have a pretty good time while we're at it!

Q: And you're in Amsterdam, which helps...

[GA: Of course. Do you think I'd still be in the job if I wasn't here?]

TA: Well, what I applied for first was the opportunity to join a company that was going places. Then they offer me the chance to set up a whole new company in a foreign country. Which country is pretty irrelevant - it's a great career move first and foremost.

Q: So, any regrets?

[GA: Funnily enough, no. Of course I would have loved my dream job (whatever that might have been), but the fact is I got given an opportunity when there wasn't a hell of a lot else about, I have essentially started up my own company and made a success of it, and it's keeping me out here. And if it wasn't for this job, would I have spent yesterday afternoon walking around a park in brilliant sunshine wearing Prada shoes and Prada sunglasses, ever so marginally hung over from a night in a club ten minutes' walk from my house, surrounded by tall, beautiful blondes who thought my attempts to speak their language were endearing? And would I be going back to a flat on a canal, with a fat widescreen TV and DVD player, and floors installed by the same guy that did Lenny Kravitz's apartment? I don't think I could honestly answer that with a yes.]

TA: No regrets. Although I sometimes miss my friends in London, but they can come over here and to be honest London's such a big place you never see each other as you mean to anyway. All in all, I'm pretty happy.

[100% GA: I lied about the tall beautiful blondes.]

 

 
This is the fucking archive

Current clown:

18 December 2003. George writes: This List

Most recent ten:

15 December 2003. Jamie writes: Seven Songs
11 December 2003. Dan writes: Spinning Jenny
8 December 2003. Victor writes: Rock Opera
4 December 2003. Matt writes: The Mirrored Spheres of Patagonia
1 December 2003. George writes: Charm
27 November 2003. James writes: On Boxing
24 November 2003. Jamie writes: El Matador del Amor; Or, the Man who Killed Love
20 November 2003. Dan writes: Rights Management
17 November 2003. Victor writes: Walking on Yellow
13 November 2003. Matt writes: Disintermediation
(And alas we lost Neil, who last wrote Cockfosters)

Also by this clown:

15 December 2003. Jamie writes: Seven Songs
24 November 2003. Jamie writes: El Matador del Amor; Or, the Man who Killed Love
13 October 2003. Jamie writes: The Persistence of Memory
22 September 2003. Jamie writes: The Email Eunuch
1 September 2003. Jamie writes: Credo
11 August 2003. Jamie writes: Brad and Jennifer and Me
21 July 2003. Jamie writes: Interruption
30 June 2003. Jamie writes: Do you remember the first time?
12 June 2003. Jamie writes: Forthcoming Attractions
19 May 2003. Jamie writes: Stupid Mistake
28 April 2003. Jamie writes: Hoping and Praying
7 April 2003. Jamie writes: Strangers on a Plane
17 March 2003. Jamie writes: Q&A
24 February 2003. Jamie writes: Altered States
3 February 2003. Jamie writes: How to say goodbye
13 January 2003. Jamie writes: In A League Of Their Own
23 December 2002. Jamie writes: What's in a name?
2 December 2002. Jamie writes: Lies, Damned Lies and Spastics
11 November 2002. Jamie writes: Memoirs of a Gaysian: A Preface
21 October 2002. Jamie writes: Love is blindness
30 September 2002. Jamie writes: Time for bed
9 September 2002. Jamie writes: Angry Exchanges Can Be Puzzling [10]
19 August 2002. Jamie writes: High Speed
29 July 2002. Jamie writes: Firkin Hell
8 July 2002. Jamie writes: Do you, er... haiku?
13 June 2002. Jamie writes: Unnatural Porn Thrillers
20 May 2002. Jamie writes: The Triumphant Return of the Septic Fiveskins
25 April 2002. Jamie writes: Meeting People is Easy
4 April 2002. Jamie writes: I Want I Want I Want
7 March 2002. Jamie writes: The Player of Games
11 February 2002. Jamie writes: Fat Man Walking
17 January 2002. Jamie writes: Passive/Aggressive
3 January 2002. Jamie writes: Love (classified)
29 November 2001. Jamie writes: A Lil' Nite Muzak
5 November 2001. Jamie writes: Natural born liar
11 October 2001. Jamie writes: All I need
17 September 2001. Jamie writes: Postcards From The Edge (of the pool)
23 August 2001. Jamie writes: Class act
30 July 2001. Jamie writes: Ritchie Neville is dead
5 July 2001. Jamie writes: A Letter from God
11 June 2001. Jamie writes: "If it's in French, it must be deep"
17 May 2001. Jamie writes: Reportage
23 April 2001. Jamie writes: Show me the Logos
29 March 2001. Jamie writes: Sobering Thoughts
8 March 2001. Jamie writes: Stupid, Stupid, Stupid
8 February 2001. Jamie writes: Spent
15 January 2001. Jamie writes: Full to the brim
21 December 2000. Jamie writes: fuck xmas
27 November 2000. Jamie writes: Eye Candy
2 November 2000. Jamie writes: World-wide-web?
9 October 2000. Jamie writes: Kids' stuff
14 September 2000. Jamie writes: Scatological Warfare
21 August 2000. Jamie writes: I can't stand up (for falling clowns)
10 July 2000. Jamie writes: The Etymology of Greatness

 
Let meeeeeee entertain you

We are all Upsideclown: Dan, George, James, Jamie, Matt, Neil, Victor.

Material is (c) respective authors. For everything else, there's it@upsideclown.com.

 
Never come here again

And weeeeeee can entertain you by email too. Get fresh steaming Upsideclown in your inbox Mondays and Thursdays, and you'll never need to visit this website again. To subscribe, send the word subscribe in the body of your mail to upsideclown-request@historicalfact.com. (To unsubscribe, send the word unsubscribe instead.)

...

... On this page: ... Archive ... About ... Subscribe ... ... Upsideclone