Anybody Seen Carlos?

By Vic, 24 October 2017 #


Interview with participant 5, sanitised notes 22/10/17

Demeanour — blank, expressionless, refuses to make eye contact at first. Speech flat and monotonous. Becomes more animated when recounting his most recent achievements. It is evident his background and family history hold limited interest for him.

Since his arrest, subject has insisted on being addressed as Carlos. Unclear whether this is due to fondness for The Jackal, another specific attachment, or a general urge to appear more exotic.

Born 1971 Paderborn to British parents. Father was a Major in the 20th Armoured Infantry Brigade. Subject also held a West German passport in his youth, and is unable to explain why.

His parents owned a copy of Jeff Wayne’s recording of The War of the Worlds, played it frequently. As a small child, subject was convinced the Martians had landed.

In an effort to allay his fears, his maternal grandfather told him of the New York Sun’s scheme in the 1800s to drive sales with a story about the bat-men on the moon. Just because something sounds or looks real, he explained to the subject, doesn’t mean it is.

The same grandfather claimed partial responsibility for the Loch Ness “surgeon’s photo”. Parents killed in a freak accident in the mid 80s, subject grew up with his grandparents — absence of a capable guardian?

He read about the customs of the Tatars in John Mandeville’s Travels while at university. He was inspired to visit the Russian Volga and Moscow. He is reluctant to give more detail about his time there. [Thames and Vauxhall may have more info — check.]

While still a student he did a summer internship with a national newspaper. He co-wrote a piece about a well-known comedian eating a pet rodent.

An “Arab bloke” paid him to plant rumours about the Qatari emir on Twitter [check financial data]. He was surprised when it escalated so quickly. He couldn’t believe everyone was so gullible that it became diplomatic crisis.

The credulity of governments is the only thing that scares him.

He tells me I should read up on the 15th century “murder” of Simonino(?) — led to a 2-year-old child being canonized for no reason at all, and a pogrom in Italy. “600 years of opportunity to learn the lesson and develop critical thinking skills, and people in authority are still falling for the most basic whoppers.”

Does he not feel any remorse for the tragic consequences of some of his activity? Take the example of the Clinton pizza restaurant paedophile ring [subject claimed this as his in interview, 20/10/17]. Response: he’s not responsible for the guy that fired the shot. The US government allows imbeciles to walk around with AR-15s.

Considers the Boris Brexit bus to be his greatest achievement to date.

His wife paid for him to go for therapy because she thought he was a fantasist. He played along in order to maintain his cover.

How does he feel about the advent of fact checking sites? Won’t this impact on his success rate? Far from it. He is relishing the challenge and already gaming their systems.

I tell him that the guys in the band have been asking after him, posting appeals for information on social media after he didn’t show for their last gig. He says they have no idea. They just know him as someone who works in IT.

Mention of “post truth” makes him laugh. It implies that truth existed beforehand.

Fake news? We don’t know the half of it.

He is much happier with the phrase “alternative facts”. Its equivocation gratifies him. It accurately reflects the creativity of the process. He is a service provider, with a diverse clientele.

Recommendation: subject demonstrates no capacity for loyalty. His only guiding ideology is that people are stupid, and he gets kicks out of demonstrating that. He would require careful handling and has clearly already been weaponized. With intensive monitoring, he could be successfully deployed. Utility expected to be short-lived but high impact.

Update, 23/10/17 — no evidence of claimed financial transaction.



this is the fucking archive ↩︎



never come here again ↩︎

Subscribe to receive new stories by email. Fortnightly.



We are all Upsideclown: Vic, Jamie, Neil, Matt, James, George, and Dan. Material © its respective author. Email: