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The Future And The Pasta

22 January 2001
James makes lasagne. From scratch.

Step 237: Fresh Pasta

Ingredients: 300g flour, 3 eggs, cold hands, a calm and focussed mind.

Put your ground flour (see Step 229 for grinding, Steps 25 through 37 for planting, growing and reaping) on a clean flat surface. Form it into a volcano shape, i.e. with a deep crater in the middle of the mound.

"Here at The Ministry, we have a responsibility for, and are accountable to, every single member of the entire society, without exception. Our role here is to co-ordinate and prioritise all the many and varied branches of government in order to ensure the best possible outcome for all. Forgive me while I pursue a metaphor: Say two children enjoy picking apples from the same tree every year. Now each child knows that as spring and summer progress, the apples on the tree get bigger and sweeter. But each child also knows that the one that gets to the tree first will get to collect all the apples. Each child has to choose between picking the apples early or late. If the children are not supervised in any way, both will pick the apples early, and each will have an equal number of smaller and sourer apples. You can not always rely on the children trusting each other - one will always sneak off and try to pick all the apples first. If, however, the parents of the children kept them away from the tree until the apples were ripe, then the optimum outcome of both children enjoying equal amounts of large and sweet apples can be reached. In that story, the parents represent the state, and the children are all individuals in society, with their conflicting wants."

Crack your eggs (see steps 45, 53, and 107 for hen capture, raising and egg collection) into the crater, and begin to gently mix together the egg yolk and white. Gradually stir in the flour, being careful not to destroy your carefully formed volcano-shape structure. Continue gradually adding all the flour until it is the consistency of a dough. Then knead until completely homogeneous.

"Like the children with the apple trees, the interests of individuals in society will inevitably conflict. The state's role is to gently guide the actions of each individual, so that the optimum outcome for all is reached and sustained. If all members of society co-operated voluntarily for the greater good, automatically knowing how their own actions add to the overall prosperity of society and choosing to perform those actions over possibly more selfish ones, then there would be no need for the state to exist at all. As the analogy of the apple-picking children and any knowledge or experience of humanity in reality both indicate, this is not the case. The state is an invention by man and given the power and authority to regulate man's behaviour in such a way to guarantee the highest benefit for society."

Leave the dough, wrapped to ensure it does not dry out, for about fifteen minutes in order for it to relax. After that time it is ready for rolling. Using your rolling pin (see step 159 for crafting and 13 for tree-felling), roll out a section of dough until flat. Fold over and roll again. Repeat this process until the consistency of the pasta is right. Add flour if the dough becomes too wet, and a little water if too dry, if you feel this is necessary.

"The most obvious, and yet most powerful, example of why each individual in society is reliant on the collective body of society for him or her to enjoy an easy and luxurious existence is the division of labour. It is the most basic and simple rule of economics that more can be produced more efficiently if each person concentrates on producing one thing, and then trades (or shares) that produce with the other members of society. It is on this basis that our entire society survives. This is why the state strives to encourage people to find a profession at which they excel, so that the human resource is used at the most efficient level possible. Children are shown that work can be fulfilling and enjoyable, so long as they find a role that matches their talents. This produces double happiness as adults in work, as they enjoy the tasks that they must fulfil, and in totality they are ensuring continued stability and prosperity for their society."

Once the dough has become fairly elastic, roll out until very thin. This may require separating the pasta as it spreads over a large area. Once you have rolled the pasta to its desired thickness, cut it to the appropriate shape, place to one side and lie flat to dry. Repeat the whole rolling process until you have created enough pasta for the lasagne. Leave the rolled and cut sheets to dry for at least half an hour before use.

"It is therefore for the good of the whole society that I must condemn this act of pure subversion, as it strikes at the very heart and core of our precious society. The idea that every individual must rely on every other person in society is the very life-blood of humanity. You rely on millions of other people for your electricity, food, clothes, shelter, everything. This 'recipe book' is nothing of the sort. It is an incitement to overthrow society, a passport to revolution. The concept of being able to create a lasagne, providing all the raw ingredients without any help from society, is an unadulterated act of treason. The Ministry does not take such things lightly, and has therefore issued a destruction order for this manuscript. We have not yet decided what to do with you, the author of this betrayal. I for one believe that the consequence of your work would have been the death of our reasonable and good society. When weighed up in totality, your potential value to society, which determines your value as an individual, and therefore all your rights and privileges, has now reduced to zero. I am sure there will be impassioned argument among the Council members for your future, but I for one feel that that future is likely to be very brief indeed. I will pray for you."


Previously on upsideclown


Current clown:

18 December 2003. George writes: This List

Most recent ten:

15 December 2003. Jamie writes: Seven Songs
11 December 2003. Dan writes: Spinning Jenny
8 December 2003. Victor writes: Rock Opera
4 December 2003. Matt writes: The Mirrored Spheres of Patagonia
1 December 2003. George writes: Charm
27 November 2003. James writes: On Boxing
24 November 2003. Jamie writes: El Matador del Amor; Or, the Man who Killed Love
20 November 2003. Dan writes: Rights Management
17 November 2003. Victor writes: Walking on Yellow
13 November 2003. Matt writes: Disintermediation
(And alas we lost Neil, who last wrote Cockfosters)

Also by this clown:

27 November 2003. James writes: On Boxing
16 October 2003. James writes: Jakesy's School of Urban Driving
24 September 2003. James writes: Chapter One
4 September 2003. James writes: The Silicon Soul
14 August 2003. James writes: A Room With 100 Seats
24 July 2003. James writes: English For Beginners
3 July 2003. James writes: Coldplay are crap. Discuss.
9 June 2003. James writes: It Takes All Sorts
22 May 2003. James writes: Lesson 2: Buying his Gran for a tenner
1 May 2003. James writes: Rosencrantz and Leytonstone
10 April 2003. James writes: Character Building
20 March 2003. James writes: So This Is It. What Are We Going To Do About It?
27 February 2003. James writes: Street Level Zero
6 February 2003. James writes: Reference: James Noteworthy
16 January 2003. James writes: Kissing George Clooney for just £99!
26 December 2002. James writes: Hongkong In Four Tableaux
5 December 2002. James writes: We Are Your Idea
14 November 2002. James writes: The Knight Of Spring Fervent
24 October 2002. James writes: Go On, Be Honest
7 October 2002. James writes: Cold Comfort
12 September 2002. James writes: Peas In A Pod
22 August 2002. James writes: Seed Investment
1 August 2002. James writes: We Are QPR
11 July 2002. James writes: The Road to Ossuna
20 June 2002. James writes: Pret A Teleporter
27 May 2002. James writes: A Play On Words
2 May 2002. James writes: Labour Saving Device
8 April 2002. James writes: Beggaring Belief
14 March 2002. James writes: Small Things
18 February 2002. James writes: Drop Dead Letters
24 January 2002. James writes: High-Rise Rhapsody
27 December 2001. James writes: My drift's too hip to resist.
6 December 2001. James writes: My Lord Has No Nose
12 November 2001. James writes: A Job For Life
18 October 2001. James writes: Which is the cleverest animal?
24 September 2001. James writes: Interview With An Automatum
30 August 2001. James writes: Each To Their Own
6 August 2001. James writes: An Escape, In Sonata Form
12 July 2001. James writes: Truckloads Of Goodies
18 June 2001. James writes: There's No Such Thing As A Coincidence
24 May 2001. James writes: It's All True - The Paper Says So
30 April 2001. James writes: A Letter From Prisyn
16 April 2001. James writes: I Quit
15 March 2001. James writes: An Essay In Procrastination
15 February 2001. James writes: Confessions Of An English Sand-Eater
22 January 2001. James writes: The Future And The Pasta
28 December 2000. James writes: Never drink with men in red
4 December 2000. James writes: The Underground
9 November 2000. James writes: Right answer. Wrong answer
16 October 2000. James writes: The March of Proudfoot: Part I
21 September 2000. James writes: You haven't got a chance
28 August 2000. James writes: Bad, man. Wicked
24 July 2000. James writes: I play games with street lamps

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