* 200 articles. Two years. Whelk. The best of Upsideclown. Might be reprinted.


10 December 2001
George just made the Christmas post.

Dear   reader  .

Well, Christmas has certainly come around quickly this year! It barely seems like yesterday that the Clown household were making their New Year resolutions, vowing to become better, more improved members of society in 2001! Whether the Clown family has achieved any of these goals is debatable, but we certainly have had interesting, even hectic year! George and Victoria in particular have been rushed off their feet, so apologies to those of you whom we haven't had a chance to get in contact with over the past 12 months!

So what have we all been up to?

The start of the year saw Victoria earning her hard-earned promotion, elevating her to Area Manager of the rubber duck manufacturers. Some of you may remember that this promotion has been a long time coming; Vics has been unfairly passed over for this position for some years. Despite the outcome of the industrial tribunal, it is clear that her managers have continued to treat her with undue suspicion.

The new job has naturally brought financial perks, and George and Victor took a long weekend away together to Gran Canaria over Easter. Not only giving us free time from the kids, this was also an opportunity for us to rekindle some of that old honeymooners romance. George's work has given him very little free time recently, what with recent EU legislations about child employment and the so-called "Human Rights" act. He and Vics had a splendid time (with more than a few thanks to Pfizer!) and returned much rested.

Neil has been working hard at his A-levels (Maths, Business Studies and Economics), but is being distracted by a growing interest in "house" music. It's time for him to start thinking about university choices - Neil insists that he'll be going one of the further flung colleges, but George and Vics are hoping to persuade him towards a more local choice. George would be especially pleased if Neil were to attend his old alma mater, Portsmouth. Other events in 2001 for Neil include starting a weekend job at Burtons, and acting as a model for a high-street hair salon. The latter resulted in a particularly odd asymmetrical 'do (!) which was remedied by his local barber.

Danielle left the family nest in June, to set up home with her latest beau, J (and no, we haven't found out what that stands for yet either!). They are still living locally, and George and Vics have had several interesting meals with them; J works as a chef in nearby Chichester, and has created many unusual dishes for us! He seems like a good, clean-living young man, and who know? Maybe Danielle will have her own special announcement about J and her next year! (no more "living in sin", eh!)! Danielle meanwhile continues her job with the council and is still taking salsa lessons.

We have heard little more from Jamie since last Christmas. The last e-mail sent indicates that he is somewhere in South America. Our solicitors inform us that there should be no reason for him not to return to Britain now, but possibly he is enjoying his new-found freedom. As George and Vics can testify, warm weather can be most soothing, so we hope than when Jamie eventually returns he will be in good spirits!

From the family house - we have redecorated the living room. Those of you who remember the lime and ginger scheme will be pleased to hear that it has been redone using damson, with gold trimming. We are unsure as to whether to continue and replace the furniture to fit in with this design. Our beagle Matthew remains in good health, and has recovered nicely from his little "operation" earlier in the year - no more puppies for him!

Well, that's pretty much it from Chez Clown this year! I hope that the festive seasons finds you in good spirits, and we hope to catch up with you in 2002!

Festive Greetings

The Clowns


This is the fucking archive

Current clown:

18 December 2003. George writes: This List

Most recent ten:

15 December 2003. Jamie writes: Seven Songs
11 December 2003. Dan writes: Spinning Jenny
8 December 2003. Victor writes: Rock Opera
4 December 2003. Matt writes: The Mirrored Spheres of Patagonia
1 December 2003. George writes: Charm
27 November 2003. James writes: On Boxing
24 November 2003. Jamie writes: El Matador del Amor; Or, the Man who Killed Love
20 November 2003. Dan writes: Rights Management
17 November 2003. Victor writes: Walking on Yellow
13 November 2003. Matt writes: Disintermediation
(And alas we lost Neil, who last wrote Cockfosters)

Also by this clown:

1 December 2003. George writes: Charm
10 November 2003. George writes: Dead beat
20 October 2003. George writes: Shortening
29 September 2003. George writes: Manhattanites are Cleavage-Starved
11 September 2003. George writes: How to Bring Us in Line With the Future
18 August 2003. George writes: Slashtastic
28 July 2003. George writes: Underground Independent Small Press Comic Fight Club
7 July 2003. George writes: Careering
16 June 2003. George writes: Choose your own adventure
26 May 2003. George writes: Revelations
8 May 2003. George writes: Picture Perfect
14 April 2003. George writes: MetaPirate
24 March 2003. George writes: Preparation X
3 March 2003. George writes: F of x
13 February 2003. George writes: Three is the magic number
23 January 2003. George writes: Recorded Delivery
30 December 2002. George writes: Meat Bingo or Death
12 December 2002. George writes: Royal Inquisitor
21 November 2002. George writes: This Clown is Cancelled
28 October 2002. George writes: Shopping with God
3 October 2002. George writes: SaferSpoony
16 September 2002. George writes: Supercalanthropomorphicexpealidocious
26 August 2002. George writes: The deformed animal menagerie
5 August 2002. George writes: Plaice that Funky Music, Whitebait
15 July 2002. George writes: Safe as Houses
24 June 2002. George writes: Two Lions (DB/DS)
30 May 2002. George writes: Series 8
9 May 2002. George writes: Market Stall
11 April 2002. George writes: I, the Enlargened, Crunchy Product
18 March 2002. George writes: Cakexterminator
21 February 2002. George writes: Fiction Suit
28 January 2002. George writes: Spunk Gunk
31 December 2001. George writes: Fairytale of New Pork
10 December 2001. George writes: Circular
15 November 2001. George writes: A Man With No Ass Is No Man At All
22 October 2001. George writes: One Night in Heaven
27 September 2001. George writes: Uncut
3 September 2001. George writes: Porn Pants
9 August 2001. George writes: Names of the Roses
19 July 2001. George writes: No Fun Here
21 June 2001. George writes: All Your Elections are Belong to Us
28 May 2001. George writes: Pierced as Fuck
3 May 2001. George writes: My Lovely Horse
9 April 2001. George writes: Eight Hundred and Forty-Three
12 March 2001. George writes: Kill 'Em All
19 February 2001. George writes: Formal
25 January 2001. George writes: Sticks and stones
11 January 2001. George writes: A Thought on Morality
11 December 2000. George writes: You can't put that into a soufflé
13 November 2000. George writes: Lyrical Genius
19 October 2000. George writes: Wet wet wet wet wet
25 September 2000. George writes: Built on an Indian burial ground
31 August 2000. George writes: This Way
31 July 2000. George writes: Runt of the Litter

Let meeeeeee entertain you

We are all Upsideclown: Dan, George, James, Jamie, Matt, Neil, Victor.

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