* 200 articles. Two years. Whelk. The best of Upsideclown. Might be reprinted.

Recorded Delivery

23 January 2003
George is filling in the blanks

23 January 2003

Mr G ----

London 020 74----



I am writing to advise you of your right of appeal against the decision of the Governors of XXXXXX not to reinstate XXXX to the school. XXXX was permanently excluded from XXXXXX on 6th January 2003, and this decision was confirmed by the Governors on 17th January.

The decision to exclude XXXX was made after he called a member of staff a "prick" and a "fucking dick", and throwing a chair into a crowded classroom, before trying to jump out of a window. When members of staff attempted to restrain him he continued to use choice terms of verbal abuse before spitting at them. Clearly such behaviour is unacceptable.

Enclosed is a copy of the appeal guidelines for your information. If you wish to appeal, please complete the attached form EXCL/1, setting out your grounds of appeal, and accompanied copies of any documents which you intend to introduce at the hearing within 15 school days of the Governors' decision to confirm XXXX's permanent exclusion.

You should have already received a copy of the minutes of the Governor's Disciplinary Meeting. We wish to draw to your attention the comments made by Mr M---- (Headteacher) regarding your child's exclusion:

"XXXX has displayed disappointing behaviour for the past few terms, which a series of fixed-term exclusions have failed to remedy. He has been uncooperative, unhelpful, and particularly rude to teaching staff. Although he works hard in his favourite lessons, Chemistry and Design Technology, he makes very little use of his intellectual potential in other areas.

"XXXX has made it quite clear that he feels that he has no further use for formal education. The limits of his recent behaviour indicate an almost conscious desire to be expelled. What then makes his final act of insubordination particularly upsetting is its lack of originality and panache.

XXXX is clearly intelligent, and capable of dark cunning with regards to subversion of school authority; yet this crude verbal abuse and brute violence are the mark of a lesser man. Any Neanderthal can wiled genitalia-base phrases. Had XXXX perhaps put his lessons to use to construct, say, a chemical-based weapon or blueprints of underground passages of the school then we would have had less cause to exclude him. Even a more original line of abusive repartee coupled with a Zorro-style leap from the school window would have been acceptable. XXXX's final acts however indicate that he is, if not deeply unoriginal, then deeply lax in his thinking. This coupled with his lack of repect for the teaching staff's intellect indicate that he is no longer welcome at XXXX. There is no place for laziness and sloppiness of action here."

It is advisable to take a few days to consider carefully the grounds for appeal before deciding to proceed. Your right of appeal expires on 7th February 2003. There is no provision for extending this date. If you indicate that you do not wish to appeal, that decision is final and binding.

If you have any questions about any of these matters, please contact the Area Reintegration Officer, XXX XXXX, on XXXXXX.

Yours sincerely


Exclusions Officer


Area Reintegration Officer

Headteacher XXXXXX School

Chair of Governors XXXXXX School


This is the fucking archive

Current clown:

18 December 2003. George writes: This List

Most recent ten:

15 December 2003. Jamie writes: Seven Songs
11 December 2003. Dan writes: Spinning Jenny
8 December 2003. Victor writes: Rock Opera
4 December 2003. Matt writes: The Mirrored Spheres of Patagonia
1 December 2003. George writes: Charm
27 November 2003. James writes: On Boxing
24 November 2003. Jamie writes: El Matador del Amor; Or, the Man who Killed Love
20 November 2003. Dan writes: Rights Management
17 November 2003. Victor writes: Walking on Yellow
13 November 2003. Matt writes: Disintermediation
(And alas we lost Neil, who last wrote Cockfosters)

Also by this clown:

1 December 2003. George writes: Charm
10 November 2003. George writes: Dead beat
20 October 2003. George writes: Shortening
29 September 2003. George writes: Manhattanites are Cleavage-Starved
11 September 2003. George writes: How to Bring Us in Line With the Future
18 August 2003. George writes: Slashtastic
28 July 2003. George writes: Underground Independent Small Press Comic Fight Club
7 July 2003. George writes: Careering
16 June 2003. George writes: Choose your own adventure
26 May 2003. George writes: Revelations
8 May 2003. George writes: Picture Perfect
14 April 2003. George writes: MetaPirate
24 March 2003. George writes: Preparation X
3 March 2003. George writes: F of x
13 February 2003. George writes: Three is the magic number
23 January 2003. George writes: Recorded Delivery
30 December 2002. George writes: Meat Bingo or Death
12 December 2002. George writes: Royal Inquisitor
21 November 2002. George writes: This Clown is Cancelled
28 October 2002. George writes: Shopping with God
3 October 2002. George writes: SaferSpoony
16 September 2002. George writes: Supercalanthropomorphicexpealidocious
26 August 2002. George writes: The deformed animal menagerie
5 August 2002. George writes: Plaice that Funky Music, Whitebait
15 July 2002. George writes: Safe as Houses
24 June 2002. George writes: Two Lions (DB/DS)
30 May 2002. George writes: Series 8
9 May 2002. George writes: Market Stall
11 April 2002. George writes: I, the Enlargened, Crunchy Product
18 March 2002. George writes: Cakexterminator
21 February 2002. George writes: Fiction Suit
28 January 2002. George writes: Spunk Gunk
31 December 2001. George writes: Fairytale of New Pork
10 December 2001. George writes: Circular
15 November 2001. George writes: A Man With No Ass Is No Man At All
22 October 2001. George writes: One Night in Heaven
27 September 2001. George writes: Uncut
3 September 2001. George writes: Porn Pants
9 August 2001. George writes: Names of the Roses
19 July 2001. George writes: No Fun Here
21 June 2001. George writes: All Your Elections are Belong to Us
28 May 2001. George writes: Pierced as Fuck
3 May 2001. George writes: My Lovely Horse
9 April 2001. George writes: Eight Hundred and Forty-Three
12 March 2001. George writes: Kill 'Em All
19 February 2001. George writes: Formal
25 January 2001. George writes: Sticks and stones
11 January 2001. George writes: A Thought on Morality
11 December 2000. George writes: You can't put that into a soufflé
13 November 2000. George writes: Lyrical Genius
19 October 2000. George writes: Wet wet wet wet wet
25 September 2000. George writes: Built on an Indian burial ground
31 August 2000. George writes: This Way
31 July 2000. George writes: Runt of the Litter

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