30 May 2002
I expect you won't broadcast this. I don't give a fuck. You probably won't even put it up on the webcam. I know that what I'll say in the next fifteen minutes is likely just between you, me, and whichever cameraman's on the other side of the glass.
But no, I don't mind a cosy little ménage-a trois. Either way, you'll have to listen won't you? Well done, by the way on the heating. Nice and toasty. You'll notice that this is the fifth airing of the pink bikini in as many weeks.
I think you know how we're all getting on in here. It's ridiculous for me to give you news, given all you see, but I'd like to talk about it. Whilst the excitement of the past few days has been very thrilling, I'm looking forward to an easy time coming up. Well done researchers by the way on the thorough background check on Ali - nice work. And thanks for the drugs: are they from sponsors? Do you get bonuses very when we leave the bottles out on clear surfaces? We're all sleeping a lot sounder for it, and Sally's been designated to sleep in the girls' room with her to make sure she doesn't freak in the night. I think we made neat work of the sheets, and she's snugly bound in.
Which of course leaves the rest of us in the boys' room, nice and cosy. I don't actually know if there's any screwing going on. Of an evening, I put my earplugs in and dream on. But you know that. Alan and Jo, possibly. Out of interest, why were they picked? Did Alan show hidden depths in the aptitude tests, or is he going to go apeshit in the next fortnight too?
Here's something - Jo actually signed onto the electoral roll for this series. Did you know that? The only time she's ever cast her vote has been on Thursdays in here. Ironic, no? Even more so given that both Ash and I were warned by our mums to take our names off the roll when the selection came around. Which we clearly didn't do. Out of sixty million people, it didn't seem like much of a risk.
Which brings us on to me. And I know you're not going to give an answer, unless it arrives with the food but: why me? Everyone else (bar Alan) I can place. We've had the lesbian, kooks, the sensitive bloke, the laddish bloke, the soft girl, the ethnic mix - Korean/Iranian, nice! - Alan, and me. I suppose Alan even fits in a boring type of way. But where am I in all of this? My piercings, tattoos, lefty tendencies, time spent travelling and strange job are all covered by the others.
It's not something which anyone else has mentioned. There's talk about how surprised we were to be chosen. No-one thinks they're got the necessary magic to be interesting for ten weeks, but you know better. None of us have an "I'm kerr-azy, me! Look, a banana!" attitude which would really piss everyone off.
So why us? Why me?
Some other points. Naya's stopped eating. If she's out on Friday then she can get help or whatever, but she's unlikely to be. We get little enough food anyhow, so it's - comforting, to know that we've got an extra portion between us. I can't speak for the others, but I've got a feeling that Ash could be nominated. He's lovely, and if it weren't for this then I'd like to get to know him better. But he eats so much! If he goes and Naya stays then the next month could be bearable. And if we do well on the next task, we'd like more hot water. I've grown quite fond of the others, but personal space is important to me in the shower.
Also, we're not sure how Ali's going to vote, what with things being how they are. Should we decide for her or try to work out what she says? Her tongue's a bit swollen, but Sally's best at working it out.
Oh, if you do broadcast any of this - hi Mum! I'm fine, I'm well. Don't worry, the hair will grow back. I'm thinking of you every day to win. Give my love to Dad when you visit. Love you lots, and I'll see you soon.
A minute? Ok. Well, thanks for listening. I'm up for feeding Ali next - another one who's not taking her full portion - to give Sally some space. Could you look into the hot water thing? Cheers. See you tomorrow.
18 December 2003. George writes: This List
Most recent ten:
15 December 2003. Jamie writes: Seven Songs
Also by this clown:
1 December 2003. George writes: Charm
We are all Upsideclown: Dan, George, James, Jamie, Matt, Neil, Victor.
Material is (c) respective authors. For everything else, there's email@example.com.
And weeeeeee can entertain you by email too. Get fresh steaming Upsideclown in your inbox Mondays and Thursdays, and you'll never need to visit this website again. To subscribe, send the word subscribe in the body of your mail to firstname.lastname@example.org. (To unsubscribe, send the word unsubscribe instead.)