* 200 articles. Two years. Whelk. The best of Upsideclown. Might be reprinted.

Island Fling

10 July 2003
Victor reckons everyone's talking about it

I was in Spain last week - not nice Spain, but nasty, dirty ex-pat ghetto Spain, the Spain that has an "Irish" karaoke bar at the corner of every street, the Spain whose supermarkets stock potted noodles and baked beans. We didn't have Spanish television. So, instead of the welcome prospect of holiday local news, I was treated to Channel Islands' ITV courtesy of Sky. And what a treat it was.

Of course, it goes without saying that you have all been following the tenth Island Games, held this year in Guernsey. For the few of you who missed them, here's the big news from Channel TV. It's the most exciting thing since the Germans left.

Tuesday 1st July saw the competition's football semi-final qualifier between Guernsey, the host nation and Rhodes, who were celebrating having just that day been awarded the games for 2007. With temperatures in the low twenties, tempers were running high.

One Guernsey player was sent off earlier in the first half, as was the Rhodes Manager. Play was then halted when several of the Rhodes footballers surrounded the referee, Wendy Toms. After sending off five of the Rhodes players Ms Toms had no other option but to order the match to be abandoned mid-way through the second half, with Guernsey 2-1 in the lead. As the ugly scenes on the pitch spilled over into the crowd, police were called to the Corbet Field ground.

The Island Games Association Court of Appeal awarded the fixture to Guernsey, and the Rhodes team subsequently withdrew from the rest of the football competition, imposing a life-ban on the five who were red-carded. Despite fears of similar violence, the Ladies match passed off without incident, Guernsey winning 3-2.

The 2007 Rhodes games now face a football boycott, with officials from Jersey, Guernsey and the Falklands voicing concerns over the safety of players and management alike and Guernsey's star players refusing to attend.

OK, so you could have found this out for yourselves - and no, it's not exactly an original piece of creative writing. But you can appreciate why I had to tell you. Not only is it a great story: it's also true - perhaps the truest thing I've ever put up here. What particularly pleases me about it?

1) There is such a thing as the Island Games

2) On the night of 1st July, irate Greeks rampaged through the streets of Guernsey's capital. I bet you don't see that every day in St Peter Port.


This is the fucking archive

Current clown:

18 December 2003. George writes: This List

Most recent ten:

15 December 2003. Jamie writes: Seven Songs
11 December 2003. Dan writes: Spinning Jenny
8 December 2003. Victor writes: Rock Opera
4 December 2003. Matt writes: The Mirrored Spheres of Patagonia
1 December 2003. George writes: Charm
27 November 2003. James writes: On Boxing
24 November 2003. Jamie writes: El Matador del Amor; Or, the Man who Killed Love
20 November 2003. Dan writes: Rights Management
17 November 2003. Victor writes: Walking on Yellow
13 November 2003. Matt writes: Disintermediation
(And alas we lost Neil, who last wrote Cockfosters)

Also by this clown:

8 December 2003. Victor writes: Rock Opera
17 November 2003. Victor writes: Walking on Yellow
27 October 2003. Victor writes: Our Tune
6 October 2003. Victor writes: Sucking face (in a public place)
15 September 2003. Victor writes: You got any ID?
25 August 2003. Victor writes: Blood on the Boulevard
4 August 2003. Victor writes: In (paren)theses
10 July 2003. Victor writes: Island Fling
19 June 2003. Victor writes: Back (back) and forth (and forth)
2 June 2003. Victor writes: 300 clowns, 13 eight-year olds
12 May 2003. Victor writes: The swings and roundabouts of outrageous fortune
21 April 2003. Victor writes: ...just sitting there quietly contemplating suicide
31 March 2003. Victor writes: Victoria
6 March 2003. Victor writes: Relevant experience
17 February 2003. Victor writes: You will eat chips and go nowhere
27 January 2003. Victor writes: A bushy fish for fishy Mr Bush (after Juvenal)
6 January 2003. Victor writes: The Accidental Voyeur
16 December 2002. Victor writes: Gripper goes bang
25 November 2002. Victor writes: Bediquette
4 November 2002. Victor writes: Where have all the spastics gone?
14 October 2002. Victor writes: An Immodest Proposal
23 September 2002. Victor writes: Fastscan masterplan
2 September 2002. Victor writes: Dry Humping Social Club
12 August 2002. Victor writes: Beat the Mongol
22 July 2002. Victor writes: What life is not
1 July 2002. Victor writes: Stupor heroes
6 June 2002. Victor writes: Dry
13 May 2002. Victor writes: Muppet Suite
18 April 2002. Victor writes: gingermingeninja
25 March 2002. Victor writes: Sodomize with Pukka Pies
28 February 2002. Victor writes: Dave's problem
4 February 2002. Victor writes: King of the Aisles
10 January 2002. Victor writes: Here come the decorator gimps.
17 December 2001. Victor writes: Make war, not supper.
22 November 2001. Victor writes: Cough
29 October 2001. Victor writes:
4 October 2001. Victor writes: Green Gauges
10 September 2001. Victor writes: Blind weed
16 August 2001. Victor writes: Snout!
23 July 2001. Victor writes: You're not going to put this in a clown are you?
28 June 2001. Victor writes: What is a droll?
4 June 2001. Victor writes: Burt Pakamak
10 May 2001. Victor writes: Board to Death
12 April 2001. Victor writes: Tricolon with anaphora?
22 March 2001. Victor writes: Point of View
26 February 2001. Victor writes: Goth's Dinner
1 Feburary 2001. Victor writes: Les Miserables
4 January 2001. Victor writes: Flat-packed furniture
14 December 2000. Victor writes: Deliverance
20 November 2000. Victor writes: Bottomry: Exorcising Ghosts
26 October 2000. Victor writes: Body Art
2 October 2000. Victor writes: Disney must die
7 September 2000. Victor writes: Ice-cream in Offworld
14 August 2000. Victor writes: I like sweets that taste of medicine
26 June 2000. Victor writes: I've seen the future, and it's feathered

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